loose ends

Lately I've been searching daily for jobs at usajobs.gov.  I'm not really sure exactly why but I can't help myself.  Ralphie will be starting Kindergarten and I feel like I need to do something, I want to do something.  The problem is I also want a very flexible schedule and freedom.  I want to be off when my kids are off.   I also don't want to miss any school functions for my little Kindergartener!  I tried applying as a preschool assistant that would enable me to do that but it's been close to a month and I haven't heard back...

I could, as Yago suggests, finish my degree.  However, the course schedule doesn't look too promising.  I've taken about all the online courses I can so I'll have to travel for my remaining four classes but they interfere with Yago's TDY schedule or with my kids' school vacations.  It's such a hassle!  I could also begin ACSC but I have VERY little motivation to do that.  I thought I'd have to be a major for three or four years before meeting a lt col board but it turns out that you have to have 7 years time in grade to be promoted to lt col.  No, thank you.  I'll put major on next year, wait seven years to be eligible for promotion, and then if I'm lucky enough to be picked up I have to complete three years in that rank to retire.  I don't have 11 more years of the Reserves in me.

Even if I did find a job, which is difficult given my level of experience, it would require a long commute.  Putting in a full day and then an additional hour on each end is not what I'm looking for.  I want a paycheck though.  I'd like to have some extra money to be frivolous on occasion.  I'd like nice clothes, bags, and to get my hair done without being concerned about what is being sacrificed.  It kind of stinks right now.  We're paying a fortune for an apartment and we don't have much wiggle room in our budget.  It's frustrating, especially if I dwell on what our finances would be if I'd remained active duty.  I'd be getting ready to retire.

But then I can't even think about how different things would be with Ralphie.  I'm glad I stayed home with him.  That's another thing.  Schmitty is vehemently opposed to me working.  Isn't that funny?  He likes that I'm home taking care of things.  That makes me feel appreciated.  Not that I'm unappreciated but his reaction reminds me that I do things that are important to him.  I know Yago prefers that I stay home too, it would be a huge inconvenience for him.  But millions of families make it work and seem happy, couldn't we do that too?  Perhaps it's just a case of the grass is always greener on the other side. I'm sure that after two weeks of getting up early, sharing the bathroom with Yago, coming home to make dinner, etc., I'd be ready to quit.  Right?  Sigh.  I don't know.